Victor Farinelli: Ink Master Review (Episode 9)
By Victor Farinelli
This week’s episode opens with Sarah bitching about the judges not giving her a good honest critic. I call bullshit. The judges have actually done a pretty good job of telling this motley crew what they did wrong and what they need to improve on. I have been in a lot of shops in my years and have observed a lot of apprentices on their road to Tattooville, and I have seen some who have been torn new assholes for the tattoos they have attempted to do…
Oh, and Sarah “lives tattoos.” That is so moving. Well it moves my bowels. You live tattoos? How can you live tattoos when you hardly have any?! Sarah, you are the epitome of a faux-tattooist: a person who thought that maybe tattooing might stroke the ego better than some other form of art, bought some factory “tattoo starter kit” (great for parties, weddings and bar mitzvahs) and set out to make a name for herself and become the next Kat Von D or some shit. I have respect for tattooists who have paid their dues and are now trying to pay some bills. We all gots to pay the bills. However, Sarah, you reek of false earnestness, and I have no respect for you.
Anyway, off my soapbox and onto the show. This elimination challenge I will affectionately call the ultimate Hooters/Coyote Ugly challenge. The contestants had to demonstrate symmetry by burning images onto leather chaps worn by scantily clad “cowgirls.” I am all for scantily clad, but I am sure there are some viewers who would rather see a scantily clad dude. I guess the producers are trying to appeal to their viewing demographic… or something. I was put off by the whole thing personally. I’m not a fan of leather and would rather not promote the leather industry. I guess I am not their demographic. Who knew?
Anyway, good golly – leather here, leather there – boob, ass, boobs, and Jamie was the winner of the flash challenge. He was able to pick which client each contestant would tattoo.
This week’s elimination challenge was traditional Japanese. The guest judge for this episode was Mike Rubendall. Mike Rubendall tattoos at Kings Avenue and is known for his traditional Japanese tattoo work. He is an incredible artist. I would highly recommend going to their website and checking out his work.
Two of the clients were Bellator fighters. If Mark was still in the competition, he would have shit his drawers. One of the clients was a big baby too. He kept moving around and making a big deal about the pain. Tattoos hurt you stupid fuck, get over it. MMA fighter indeed.
The tattoo of the day went to Jesse. The detail in the horse’s head and the fabric were incredible. Most of these tattooers on the show are just boilerplate tattooers. They would make a decent living and put out mediocre tattoos that the average person would be happy with. So when I see one that is pretty awesome, I am kinda taken aback. This is one of those tattoos. I dig the shit out of it.
The bottom of the barrel this week were Tatu Baby, Steve, and my man Clint. Tatu Baby’s tattoo was pretty sad and boring. After the last couple of weeks, I expected more. Steve’s tattoo was all kinds of fucked up. The uniclaw just stuck to the side body, which is what a child would think of doing. Actually I have seen children draw better than that.
Clint’s was just a big black mess. It is going to look like gangrene in a year or two. Alas, someone had to go home, and this week it was A.M.G. Clint.
I feel like I need a video montage with some sappy music to give a wonderful recap of our quality time together with Angry Mohawk Guy. Well Clint, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. (Cause you had a bad day/You’re taking one down/You sing a sad song… hmm, hmm hmm, hmmmm…)
Victor is a blogger for Tattoo Artist Magazine and can be found at: http://www.facebook.com/victhortheviking.
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