Paul Dobleman: December’s Asshole of the Month WINNER!
By Paul Dobleman:
I’d like to thank everyone who participated and sent in an asshole story, it’s been a fun year tattooing you assholes. Cheers to everyone who reads these, hope you like next year’s project… Psychedelic Stories!
The last asshole… December’s asshole of the month is Stuart…
So going back now a few years ago, I was out and about walking my dogs around the park before taking off to work for the day. I was on my way home and had to stop at a stop light to cross the road. So I’m waiting there to cross and notice a pack of cyclists pull up to the light, there are tons of cyclists around our area so I thought nothing of it, so the light turns green so I can cross, my pugs just had knee surgery and wasn’t walking the fastest so we didn’t make it across in time and totally blocked the traffic. Every one seemed cool and noticed the dog so they just let us pass by, the cyclists passed by no worries, but of course there’s always that mouthy cunt who feels like he has to say some thing. He cycles around me and as he cruises away turns around and says, “Fuck you!”
Now I was fresh of the boat from the UK, I hadn’t lived in the states very long and where I’m from that’s fucking fighting talk. Obviously the guy was totally unaware that I lived like 10 yards up the road from where this happened. I dropped off the dogs and went out to my car by this time I was pretty pissed so I started my car up and cruised down the road where I pretty much knew where the group of cyclists were heading.
I drive about half-a-mile and pulled over and ask a lady with a stroller if she had seen any cyclists, she replied, “Oh yes, there just down the road.”
I keep driving and after a few minutes, who do I bump into to riding along the road… the fucker who just opened his big mouth to the wrong fucking person. I pulled up alongside him and he fucking shits his pants, I unwind my window and told him to get off his bike, he wouldn’t so I asked him again and again, shouting, “Come on you pussy get off your bike.”
He wouldn’t stop so I just pulled in front of him and totally blocked him from getting around me. I get out of my car and start to run in pursuit of this asshole. Ha-ha-ha, I remember he was in a really high gear and was trying to get away while shouting, “I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to fight!” Well, tough luck mother, your about to… he couldn’t get away fast enough and while shouting to his friends to help, they were too far way to hear.
I start to run and catch up and he’s still pleading not to fight. I get up right along side him and swing and catch him with a lovely right hand, which sent him fucking flying into a hedge. I grabbed a hold of his shirt and smacked him again, he was laying like a mess in the hedge bloodied and shouting, “Your going to court buddy.” I run back to my car, and I’m out of there, adrenaline pumping I head back to my house…
Congratulations Stuart, fuck that guy! Stuart chose the donkey with the blanket for his collection.