By Paul Dobleman:
I’d like to thank everyone who participated and sent in an asshole story, it’s been a fun year tattooing you assholes. Cheers to everyone who reads these, hope you like this year’s project… Psychedelic Stories. (Coming Soon)
Hi, my name is Travez,
Back in 2006, MySpace was in its heyday, I was working at a countrywide known insurance company. Mainly known for their auto insurance policies, we will call them XXX. Well, one day I came up with the quaint little idea of creating a group on the budding social media site, as this was a new phenomena, I thought to myself this will be a grand idea.
I’ll create a group/forum for all my “friends” at work so we can talk outside of work about happenings of the upcoming weekends, hobbies, so on and so forth. I decided to title it; “SLAVES of the XXX.” I created a cute lil’ design of a whip and in the middle was the insurance company’s logo; this was to be our nom de plume.
So it started out with a couple of guys that I worked with, plus me and my sister. My sibling and I are known for our loudmouths and obscene heckling, so the secret club spread like wildfire. Before we knew it 90-200-plus employees of this grand company from across America had joined my creation.
On one such evening my mother said to me, “Travez you better not mess with that stuff, you will get in trouble or even FIRED!” Everything was fine and dandy, and then it started to go down hill, as shit talking and hilarity began to commence.
First it was bashing on each other, then it was bashing on customers. People started posting pictures and then pictures of the customers and their accounts and the things they had said or done. But what set it off was when a well-known employee who was known for being a “heavy snacker” was fired for schedule negligence on a mishap was rehired as it was looked over as a mistake.
SO, somebody wrote in the group and I quote, “The Fat Blond Bitch is back, watch the fridge for your lunches.”
Her friend was in the group and decided to PRINT every single page and comment that had ever been posted within the group; she showed them to her friend and the supervisor. I came to work one day and someone came up to me and was like, “Travez, you have to shut down the group, that’s the word on the street with corporate.”
That night I went home and tried everything I could, I tried deleting the group, my own account and I even wrote the head dude of MySpace, nothing worked. A few days later I’m driving to work when I run into one of my compadres who looked as if he was leaving early, I asked him if he as sick or something, and he was like, “Nah, you will find out.” I looked at him all puzzled and he told me how they had pulled him out of his office and into some dungeon inside our building, and was interviewed by three people, two of which had come down from corporate (which was 90 miles away).
He told them he knew nothing and they told him he was going to be on leave with pay ’til they figured it all out. He told me to watch out. Well, knowing me, I go out with a bang. So about an hour into work that day, someone came into my office and told me to grab my stuff and come with them, I was taken to the aforementioned dungeon. As the water torture had started to come to fruition, they asked me if I knew anything about “blogging.” I puffed up my chest and told them all straight out, “Look if you’re talking about the group on MySpace, I made all that shit.” I went into minute detail about how I made the fucking logo, and invited everyone and even participated in the shit talking. I started laughing and acting nonchalantly, as I knew my time was up and I wanted to go out all guns blazing.
At the end they were like, “Well Mr. ______, we are going to put you on leave with pay ’til this all gets figured out.” Two weeks later I received a letter, which advised me I had been terminated with a severance package. Two days after that I learned that 60-plus employees of the company had been terminated because of my doing. They never recovered as everyone that had been let go was all their top employees…
Congratulations Travez, you’re an asshole! Thanks to everyone for participating!
[Editor’s Note: Travez will be receiving some special gifts from Paul and TAM!]
Everyone stay tuned for “Psychedelic Stories” in 2013!