By Victor Farinelli
My fellow cynic “johndotcom” asked me the other day if this show is painful to watch. Yes it is. It makes me wish for the zombie apocalypse. I think it has to do with the real egotistical ass-hats that are on this show, including the host, Pete Wentz. I guess that is why they were picked in the first place. Some of the douchingtons are so egotistical that they don’t even realize that they are fucking up someone’s life with a shitty tattoo. Well, I guess that is why the laser removal industry is so big now…
For the flash challenge, our gang of contestants had to paint on guitars. Okay. This show is just blatantly ripping off Ink Master. The idea of the flash challenge for the blacklight episode was a rip off of the flash challenge in Season 2, Episode 8 of Ink Master. This episode’s flash challenge was ganked directly from Episode 10 of Ink Master. This show is the afterbirth of Ink Master that was reanimated to have some sort of life of its own. “IT LIVES! HA HA HA HA!” (That is supposed to be an evil laugh but it doesn’t come across too well in text. Where’s a mad scientist emoticon when you need one?)
The contestants did their paintings and Pete made a point to say he “designs guitars” for Fender. He has designed one bass. It’s a sack of shit. The top two this week were D.J. and Dollarz.
D.J. and Dollarz sitting in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Dollarz won the $2,500 flash-cash. He was also given a choice between an extra 30 minutes in the ink challenge or $500 extra in the flash-cash. Dollarz took the dollars.
The ink challenge required the contestants to tattoo an abstract tattoo. Whatever. Fellow Austinite Alli had the worst client. Didn’t these “skins” get the memo? You are on a tattoo show and you are getting a free tattoo. This is also a competition. Let the tattooist do the tattoo for fuck’s sake. It’s the client’s own damn fault for getting a shitty tattoo. They wanted to be on TV. Deal.
Alli, Teresa and D.J. came out on top of the tattoo challenge. The judges had something bad to say about Alli and Teresa’s tattoos, but they were having a splooge-fest over D.J.’s tattoo. Joe’s “oh” face is not something you want to see. Why is Sabina Kelley on this show again? Oh yeah, to show off her fake cha-chas. Other than that, she has nothing really interesting to contribute. I thought Teresa’s was the best tattoo. It was definitely the most interesting out of the group. D.J. came out on top. I should say D.J. got cummed on. That would be more accurate.
(The tattoo D.J. did that the judges had a bukake bonazza over)
The top three contestants chose Dollarz, Jerod and Dumbass Derek to be the bottom bitches this week. All three had shitty tattoos. Dumbass still thinks his tattoos are the best thing in tattoo history. It is a good thing Dollarz took the extra flash-cash. He’s gonna need it for the flight back home. I doubt they give the losers free transportation back home. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.
(The tattoo that Dumbass Derek thinks is the best thing ever)
(Dollarz tattoo. Dear Lucifer save me!)
Seven more to go. So I am guessing six more episodes of turd-tastic tattoos and asinine sob stories. Muthafuckin’ good times!
Victor is a blogger for Tattoo Artist Magazine and can be found at: http://www.facebook.com/victhortheviking.
Read more from Victor here: http://tattooartistmagazineblog.com/?s=Victor+Farinelli
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