By Victor Farinelli
In the words of the dead, drug addled rock star Jim Morrison, “This is the end, beautiful friend, the end.” Yes folks, this pop-culture game show dubbed “Best Ink Season II” has reached its final episode. What started off as a study in mediocrity, slowly digressed into a judge’s vehicle in auto-fellatio pseudo-fame. If the item that is to be fellatioed could be found, that is…
The season finale was not spectacular. One would have thought that the last episode of any reality game show would be glitz, glamor and a live audience. Episode X of B.I. Two, Electric Boogaloo, had none of that. Just another day at the office where someone wins $100,000 dollars deflating USA, Inc. dollars and gets crowned with the “coveted” titled “Best Ink.” Oh Lord Lucifer. Coveted? No one is coveting.
The three final contestants, Jarod, DJ and Teresa, were instructed to do two tattoos for the season finale. For the first tattoo, each tattooist was surprised with a former client, or “skin”, that they had tattooed in a previous episode. They were told to tattoo them again, with a design that needed to represent them as an artist and be their signature piece, but also tie in to the experiences that the artist and client had tattooing this particular customer and their story. Everything has meaning, and that meaning is nothing. BOOM! I just blew my own mind!
Jarod tattooed the gal he put that piece of St. Anthony on. The tattoo was so forgettable that I can’t even recall what episode it was. With this tattoo, they kinda went the same way but this time they did a statue of St. Christopher. The statue also had tattoos. Jarod said he loves religious imagery, even though he is an atheist. Just like you’re a vegetarian who eats bacon? Jarod’s tattoo was week. It just did not jump out and say “Look, I am St. Christopher. Need to travel somewhere? Got a kid? I’ll put him on my back and walk a fucking league or two crouched like an old man. Muthafuckin’ good times!”
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DJ tattooed the girl that he did the abstract tattoo on in Episode 4. This time he did a “fantasy realism” piece. DJ, what did I tell you about making shit up? Come on folks, we are getting a little out of hand with the sub-genres. With metal there is speed metal, thrash, death metal, black metal, doom metal, blackened death metal, progressive death metal, progressive black metal, eco-black metal, white metal, folk metal, metalcore… fucking on and on. Whatever happened to just plain old fucking metal? Please, tattoo world, don’t go the way of metal. It’s a tattoo. Don’t get all art snob about it.
Teresa did a white wolf head on the girl she tattooed the pirate maiden on in Episode 6. The wolf has a cool feminine, anthropomorphic quality to it. Yeah-yeah! Bustin’ out the twenny-dolla wordz!
After they were done with the tattoos, they were told to wait in the lounge. Eventually, they were called back into the studio, where the judges were waiting. They were going to axe someone. They didn’t have much to say about DJ or Teresa’s tattoos, but they gave Jarod some shit. After that, I knew they were going to give him the boot. That left DJ and Teresa to move on to the final tattoo. Jarod still went home with $10,000.
For their final tattoo, the artists were given “elite” clientele to work on. For DJ, that person was rapper Travie McCoy, from Gym Class Heroes. Travie said he had space on the inside of his arm that he was saving for “something special.” He wanted a portrait of his French bulldog. I thought that was cute. DJ did a good job on it. It looked better than any of the other tattoos they showed that Travie already had.
Teresa was given AJ McLean from the Backstreet Boys. Elite? AJ? Does anyone under 35 remember him? Here’s a guy who’s made news lately for posting pics of his hair implants and getting caught slopping beard coloring all over his wife’s face at Disneyland. Hey dork, you can’t stay young forever. Especially on a “D” list salary. You’ll end up like Barry Manilow or Kenny Rogers.
The first thing that AJ wanted was his new baby girl’s handprint on his chest. Not another one, please. Let’s keep those limited to birth certificates and the kids’ art classes.
Teresa talked him into doing a picture of his girl’s hand holding his finger. This could have gone horribly wrong if done poorly. I saw one tattoo on some website that was supposed to be a baby holding his parent’s finger, but it actually looked like a hand-job. Teresa’s depiction did not go the hand-job route. Her tattoo actually looked like a baby’s hand and finger. I guess AJ’s nail polish helped.
AJ decided to get the tattoo on his chest, but when Teresa started, he fucking started whining and being a wuss. Teresa was not taking any of his shit either. She was basically telling him to nut up. Fuck yeah.
At the end of the show, the judges actually had to do a little more acting… poorly. They pretended they were judging the tattoos for the viewing audience. They were pretty much dogging Teresa and jizzing in their pants for DJ. I totally thought that DJ was going to win, but they actually picked Teresa as this season’s winner of Best Ink. She deserved it. She is the best tattooist out of the lot this year. She was humble, too. I will give DJ credit. He was actually very gracious and complimentary to her.
Well, that about wraps it up. I want to thank TAM for giving me the chance to verbally paint myself into a corner every week. Half the folks who read this think I have nothing better to do than watch mindless TV. Now, I have the blood puddin’ mafia after me and have lost quite a few brain cells in the past 10 weeks. Banner fucking year for me so far! Rock on!
Victor is a blogger for Tattoo Artist Magazine and can be found at: http://www.facebook.com/victhortheviking.
Read more from Victor here: http://tattooartistmagazineblog.com/?s=Victor+Farinelli
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