By Crystal Morey
I am a huge fan of Myles Karr. In a time where recycling ideas and styles is par for the course, Myles’ work stands out as fiercely unique. Plus he’s funnier that doorknob humpin’ monkeys…
Where do you work and what’s your poison?
I work at Three Kings Tattoo Brooklyn and I don’t understand the poison question part of this. Is this in regards to drinking, like a familiar way of talking about booze, because I take my booze and poison consumption fairly seriously…I also don’t really like people knowing what I consume, I often eat my breakfast in a brown paper sack, that I shove in my mouth as quickly as possible. I sometimes think about making a giant paper mache head that I can wear, so I can eat and drink in piece with a very neutral expression on my face…all the while, I’m disgusting and consuming underneath the veneer I created for myself…
How would you describe your tattoo style?
My tattoo style is best described as a failing comedy routine performed by 2 elderly men, one of whom decided right before the routine started that he hated the other comedian, and really doesn’t want to be there anymore…he keeps dropping his cues, and the punch lines just kind of hang in the air like a cloud of fetid smoke. If its a color tattoo, the smoke would be persimmon and the background would be paynes grey and there would be a lot of teal and seafoam and gold mixed in there… like maybe one dudes shirt would be gold, and the other guy would be kind of seafoamy, like the guy who has no idea that the other guy hates him…
What is the tattoo you are most proud of?
The tattoo I’m most proud of is the last tattoo I’ve finished. I don’t hang on to things all that much and I never want to be proud or be thought of as a pridey guy. OH and pride is a deadly sin I think so that’s something else to consider… wait, in the movie se7en, was there a prideful murdery thing… shit, which one was it. So it started with the fat guy and the stomach full of spaghetti and the floor pieces. Then there was the guy in the hospital bed and the air fresheners… OH SHIT maybe you haven’t seen it, so I’ll stop there, but if you haven’t seen it, you really should… the reveal of the “villain” is pretty awesome, and really caught me of guard.
What are you most looking forward to doing at The Summit?
I’m really looking forward to loading as much of my tattoo equipment into a suitcase, but keeping it below 50 lbs, and then anxiously flying to Colorado for the first time, hoping that my stuff arrives, all the while looking around the airport at all the weird decorations that make people think its an airport built by reptilians… wait, its the Denver airport that’s really weird right? I don’t really “get” the middle of America. It all seems so terrifying and like ANYTHING can happen out there. So yeah, I’m really dreading the getting to The Summit. Oh, but you wanted to know what I was looking forward to, uh, I’ll get back to that in a bit…
What superpower would you pick if they were handing them out tomorrow?
I would really be into the ability to stop time, like that TV show out of this world, but I feel like I’d be way too tempted to tie peoples shoelaces together, or like put hot sauce in their eyes, and then you restart time they would go fucking crazy, because all of the sudden they have hot sauce in their eyes, like imagine it… you are talking to some weird guy and then BLAM hot sauce eye. Just debilitating pain for no reason, and you would have no realization that time had stopped and I had walked away, gone and found some hot sauce, found some sort of vessel to get the hot sauce cleanly into the eye, and also find a rag or something to make sure there was no “Evidence” left over…wait, let me change that… I’d want to be able to fly, so then I wouldn’t have the issues from the previous question, but no fuck that, stop time.
If you haven’t been to Colorado before what do you expect to experience?
I am pretty much convinced that someone is going to stop time, put hot sauce in my eye, and at some point I’ll end up at a cat skills style resort where I can watch some aging comedians fight and speak in Yiddish.
Did Colorado legalizing influence your decision to fly out for the Summit?
What did they legalize? I know its illegal to have pit bulls, and that’s bullshit, but I mean, there really aren’t pit bulls at tattoo conventions, so whatever…wait. That wasn’t the question, that would be an illegalizing influence, and that’s pretty weird.
How would you spend the last day of your life?
The last day of my life would most likely be spent screaming and running around the desolate wasteland that society has become and trying to horde gasoline and weld metal to the front of my Honda CR-V to make it more of a mad max style marauder car. I think I would have put up a pretty good fight up until that point, but there would most likely be some sort of giant other guy, maybe with a metal mask, and a bigger, badder marauder car, and maybe he has a little kangaroo kid with him with a razor blade boomerang, so I think I would get run over by that marauder guy for my gasoline, or maybe I’ll get cut up by the boomerang kid… either way my last day will be full of excitement, and loud noises and lots of car crashes, and oil fires, and like crazy looking ice cream trucks full of spikes and barbed wire and shit.
What is the craziest thing that happened to you on spring break?
Oh man, this is a great story… so me and 3 of my girlfriends were supposed to go to spring break, but we TOTALLY didn’t have enough money, so one of them, who used to be on some Disney show, got us to rob this restaurant, and we went to spring break and partied, and then ran into James Franco, who played a Brittany Spears song on the piano and had metal teeth… he really wanted to get down with us, and was all forward and weird, and he talked about all his money and guns and stuff, and then there was a concert thing, and his music was terrible. He had this rival, who had a bunch of weed and was pretty mad about James Franco and then something with a guy with ice cream tattooed on his face, and then we split in a fancy orange car, like a lotus I think… it was orange, no green…wait, definitely orange, the boat was green, fuck, I didn’t mention the boat until now, but there was a boat earlier, and it was pretty tight.
What’s a little known fact about where you live.
Where I live is no consequence to you people… it’s a super small town, and there is absolutely nothing interesting that has ever happened here. I live here because there is a beach, it’s near the NYC, where I work, and there are no scorpions, because I would lose my fucking mind if there were scorpions around.
If you weren’t a tattooer what would you be?
Tell me your most embarrassing tattoo story.
The tattoo I’m most embarrassed of is the last tattoo I’ve finished. I don’t hang on to things all that much, and embarrassment is a deadly sin I think…wait, in the movie se7en, was there an embarrassy murdery thing… shit, which one was it. Also I get really embarrassed when people are uh… never mind, I have no interesting stories about that.
Are you planning to get tattooed at the show? Do you have fun appointments booked?